My Little Lifeline

I did not always realize you - your talent, the way you did things, your personality, and your way of life - until almost a few years ago. I did not necessarily look down on you, but I did not look up to you either. Sad to say, you were almost there in my life as just a blob of confusion that I was not sure what to do with. How or when I came to realize you I am not sure; but the fact that I did is something I am not at all humbled by. 

You taught me to have a different outlook on life as well as many other little securities to go along with it. We know each other well and have a bond that is hard for others to understand unless they knew us in depth; but even then, it is highly impossible for anyone else to comprehend us. You are my sister, Megan, and you have played a role in the making of the person that I have come to be today - you gave me a life line in your own little way and have taught me many different mottos to live by. 

I often hear friends saying, "remember that one time when...?" For you and I, though, there is not a single one time; we have shared many 'one times', similar to the one time I first realized you gave me a life line. 

You often have a positive attitude towards whatever you are doing, whether it involves school, friends or family. Therefore, you taught me how to have a positive outlook on life which also leads to never giving up. I notice when you are struggling with a homework assignment, for example, and you at first want to give up on it and quit what you are doing, you do not, though. You make the assignment, or anything else for that matter, go on your completed check list; and doing so is never something to be questioned for you. You finish what you start, and pull up a smile on your face no matter what. 

Your smiles then always lead to laughter, and it is somewhat infectious - like a virus that is highly impossible to rid from oneself. You may not realize it, but if I were to count, I would be able to tally up practically fifty different laughs. There is that one laugh of yours when something is really funny to you; that one when something is kind of funny, but not really; that one when you cannot stop laughing even if you tried to; that one when you are in your own little world; that one when you pretend something is funny; that one...that one...that one. That one laugh has taught me to look at life in a brighter way and to correspondingly be a positive person. 

Along with your laughs, I also always receive a hug. Hugging is like your second nature: you seem to give out hugs like there is no tomorrow and like your life depends on it. I can continuously rely on you to boost my mood and cheer me up even the slightest notch on my happiness scale. For instance, if I am having a bad day, when you come home from school and can automatically notice, you rush over to give me a slight squeeze - you do not even understand the almighty powers of your embrace upon me. To you, the hug is a simple act of kindness, but to me it acts as a security blanket and I always feel content afterwards. Coming from me, to say all this about your artless hugs is a huge deal because whoever knows me knows that I am the enemy of all huggers alike; I dislike hugs and rarely ever hand them out. For you, however, I would give you a hug any time, any day, whenever you like. 

You are constantly hugging people and that just shows that you have a warming personality and a true-to-yourself kind of heart. People that do not know you could even catch on to that. You do not always speak your mind, but even if you did, nothing bad would come out of your mouth because judging is not on your daily agenda. You do not judge, which also leads to you not caring or worrying about what other people think about you. I used to struggle with that. Twenty-four/seven I would be thinking about what other people thought of me and constantly worrying whether or not I fit in with everyone else surrounding me. I also would judge almost everyone that walked across my path. I now realize, thanks to you, that judging is not an act to be proud of. 

However, someone I am proud of is you. You are one of a kind; you have taught me many lessons; you push me to strive; you listen to me; you know me probably better than most; you do not take life by the wheel, but instead just let it take you where it pleases; you smile; you laugh fifty different ways; you hug like no other person I have hugged before; you are my role model and I am yours; you are my complement and I am yours; you do this; you do that; you do everything; you are you - not any word could even describe you because no word would be enough to complete the thought in my mind of who you are to me. 

I love our little shared handshake that we have developed and the nicknames for each other. There are so many tiny details about you that I love, and even though I only have one sister, you are by far my favorite. The possibility for me to even ask for a different sister has never crossed my mind - I could not and would not trade you in for someone better, because there is no one that is better. I love you, Megan. 

Correction: It Is Megan Gomez

Hey look, actual friends this time

So here I am on a Thursday night this time, sitting in a coffee shop with friends, allowing my thoughts to flow from my brain to my hands, trying to form sentences of all the random things that constantly flow through my head. My original goal was to post a new blog every week on Sundays, however I was a little late this week due to the fact that I am a college kid and what can you expect? Not that I had an overflowing amount of homework or anything to do on Sunday, which is actually very unusual for me, but because my Netflix addiction took precedence over my writing for the day.

But you know what? Its actually okay that I waited, and I’m glad I did because of something that I had learned in class on Monday. In my business culture class on Monday, two of the topics we discussed were universalism, and how different cultures deal with disabilities. I found this so suiting to the topic for my post this week.

At a Selena Gomez concert
for Megan's 16th birthday
present from me   

Not trying to give a little business culture lesson here for ya, but so that you get the jist of it, individualistic cultures view people with disabilities as equals. A person that has a disability likes being dependent, doesn't necessarily feel the need to ask for help constantly, and plans for a future no different than that of a person without a disability. And universalism, as I can best explain it, basically refers to The Golden Rule. Which ties in ohhhhh so perfectly with my topic this week about Miguel being no different that you and I.

Side note, I should add that Miguel calls herself Megan Gomez. So if you're reading this, Megan, you can't be mad at me now. You’re welcome, Miss Gomez. 

AND SORRY I KNOW I’M BAD WITH HAVING REALLY LONG INTROS, FORGIVE ME.

So, yeah, Megan is just like you and I. How so? Better question: How not so? I think a lot of people believe that living with someone with a disability is just a completely different world than living with a “normal” person. Because there is such a thing as a “normal” person, right? I mean all of us “normal” people are different from each other, just the same as Megan is different than us. But note that she’s not different because she has Down Syndrome, she is different because she is who she is. She is Megan Gomez; she is the movie-watching-master; she is my little shit; she is my BFF; she is the sister to Selena Gomez, obviously; she is…; she is…; she is…

What I am trying to get at with this is that Megan isn't different because of her disability- which, by the way, I don’t even like calling it that. Having Down Syndrome doesn't define who she is, it is barely even a characteristic to describe her. I just view it as something she was born with. No different than me not defining myself based on the birth mark right above my butt that I was born with. Sorry, guys, no picture for this one.

And I know that people would never ask me straight up what it is like living with her, or if it is difficult or if I treat her differently, or etc. etc. And it is perfectly normal for people to have those thoughts. I guess I probably would too if I were in different shoes. So don’t be afraid to ask me about my sister. I’ll tell you straight up how I feel and I won’t take offense to it. And my answer to you would be that living with Megan is no different than living with anyone else, like my brother, for example.  Maybe this isn't true for all families that have a child with a disability, though, and maybe it is just the individualist culture that I grew up in or the way that I was brought up that makes me act this way towards her. Either way, I find myself responding to people’s questions with, well how do you think living with her is? Should I be giving her special care just because she isn't “normal”?

Because let’s be real, my brother can be a little shit, no different than Megan. And Dean and I fight like brothers and sisters do sometimes, no different than Megan and I fight like sisters do. Dean and I have our differences, no different than Megan and I’s differences. Sure, sometimes processes may be a little slower with her or it make take longer for both of us to comprehend what the other is saying, but so? That doesn't mean anything. And of course, she's the typical little sibling that has to copy everything her older sibling does. I haven't decided yet if this is a good thing or not, though. I often catch her watching me while I am getting ready, and then she'll do the exact same things that I do. I'll even randomly find some of my missing things hidden in the drawers of her room- my lip glosses, make up, clothes. And don’t even get me started on how she isn't different than any other teenager.

NOT a rare sighting in
the Stier household

Okay, you got me started. She talks, dresses, acts, and even walks like any ol’ teenager does. She’s got attitude, definite attitude majority of the time. Like, I finally know how my parents felt when I was a bratty little teenager back in the day. Ha..ha.. sorry mom and dad.. But she even needs to make sure she looks the part every day, and she can never forget to wear one of her infamous headbands. She acts like a teenager with all of the smart-ass one-liners she throws out and with the sassiness and with the independence and with the leave-me-alone-you’re-embarrassing- me-and-I’m-too-cool-for-you motto. And yes, I can say that she does even walk like a teenager, gotta have that attitude and butt wiggle with the walk. And the occasional striking of random poses just for the heck of it- hip to the side, one hand on the hip, the other hand raised, fierce look on her face.

Annnnd the selfies! Okay, half the time I kind of force her to take pictures with me because I like pictures, but she usually cooperates. And when she doesn't, well, you’ll know because she won’t be smiling in the picture.

Long story, short.

-          Don’t be afraid to ask me about Megan

-          She honestly isn't any different than you and I

-          Don’t let one characteristic define someone

-          And her name is actually Megan Gomez, not Stier, because she isn't a Stier, she is actually Selena Gomez’s sister

In the end, I believe everyone should embrace an individualistic culture (feel free to ask me anything about it, because I’m basically a pro on that subject now) and embrace universalism. The Golden Rule.

An insight into next week’s post:

Well, there isn't an insight yet. My brain is fried from countless hours of Calc homework so I need some ideas from others on what I should write about next. 

I Call Her Miguel

 So here I am on a Sunday afternoon, lying in my small dorm bed, listening to The Fray, cuddled up in my grey fuzzy blanket with MuhLady, and drinking coffee with friends. Being that I am slightly hung over from yesterday, and already on my third cup of coffee for the day, what better to do right now than reflect on life, right?

MuhLady is my lady bug pillow pet
and I really don't have friends with me,
 just FRIENDS

 Many of you probably do not know that I thoroughly enjoy writing, when it is on my own will at least. I have always enjoyed writing but have never actually done anything with it or shared my writings with others. But I got some inspiration the other day from an ant. An ant? Yes, an ant.

I was lying on the beach at Saint John’s the other day with my friends Aubree and Will, and I took a liking to this one injured ant. My friends were probably questioning why I was so infatuated with such a small creature, but I didn’t care. I was playing with this little ant on a leaf and looking at it very closely. And in doing so I just noticed all the little aspects of the ant and I told my friends that I thought it was so amazing how God thought there was a need to create and place such a small, yet detailed, bug on Earth. And that just made me think more and more about life and the purpose everyone and everything has here.

So, thank you little ant for your inspiration.

*mid tickle session*

And so now you’re probably asking where I am going with this, right? Well, one thing that has always been a part of my everyday life is my sister, Megan. I call her Miguel. I do not get the opportunity to see or talk to her everyday anymore now that I am at college, but in some way or another she is involved in my life every day whether it be me talking and thinking about her, or others asking about her. Or even any time I hear someone say the R-word.

Brother Dean, 21
Sister Megan, 17

So for the people that know me, you know that I have two siblings and that my sister has Down Syndrome. For the people that do not know me as well, well now you know. The most common thing that I often get people saying to me is, “Oh I did not know that your sister had Down Syndrome”. Or the best one is when I catch someone saying the R-word and I tell them they shouldn’t use that word and I that I take offense to it. I do not say, “Hey I have a sister with Down Syndrome do not say the R-word”, because why should that matter or not? The R-word is offensive and disrespectful regardless of the fact. “Oh but you should have told me about your sister, I wouldn’t have used that word around you if I knew!” Really? Because that matters? Don’t use it either way, okay?

Okay enough of my little rant on the R-word…back to the point.

People that do not know me as well always say that they had no idea I have a sister with a disability, or they ask me why I did not tell them about her. Well, see the thing is I did tell you about my sister, I just didn’t include the fact that she has Down Syndrome. And why don’t I tell people that right away? Am I embarrassed of her? Do I not want people to know? Gosh, no. I would never be embarrassed of her and I actually want everyone to know. But I do not want people to know just so that they feel sorry for me or think they need to act a different or certain way around me just because of her. Please do not feel sorry for me or anyone, or act differently around me. But I want people to know about her, because then they would understand why I am the person that I am today. But I’ll address that later.

The reason I do not tell people right away about Miguel having Down Syndrome is because I do not feel like there is a need. If you ask about my family, I am going to say that I have one older brother and one younger sister. I would not say, “Yeah I have one older brother and one younger sister who has Down Syndrome, by the way”. Why would I and why should I? It is no different than saying like, “Yeah I have one older brother who likes to hunt and has a girlfriend, by the way”. Because that seems irrelevant, right? You do not need to know right off the bat that my brother hunts and has a girlfriend. If we are going to have a more in depth conversation about our families and you would like to know more about my brother and sister, then I would tell you about them. Having Down Syndrome is not a burden, it is just a characteristic of Miguel and who she is. It doesn’t define her, but it makes her the person that she is.

But on another note, from my perspective, having a sibling with Down Syndrome does not define who I am, but Miguel herself does define who I am and the person that I have become today.

I remember when my mom told me that her and my dad were only going to have two kids, but then she got a sign from God that she just had to have one more child. And I am always going to be so fortunate for her acting on that sign and having Miguel brought in to this world.

Miguel has taught me to view things in a different light, to not judge, and to be accepting of everyone and everything that this world has to offer. I won’t go in to detail right now, though, I will save this topic for another posting. But I truly believe that she was put in my life for a reason and I believe one hundred percent that she is the reason I have transformed in to the person that I am today. Coming from a religious family, Miguel has made me realize that everything really does happen for a reason. I do not remember exactly when I came to the realization, but I have been living my life for some time now by Romans 8:28. This passage says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. It means that everything happens for a reason. I believe in this so much that I decided to get it tattooed on me. For those of you against, tattoos, sorry not sorry. I believe that tattoos (if they have meaning and importance) can really tell you a lot about a person. And Romans 8:28 can tell you the base of everything you would ever need to know about me.

So here’s to anyone that needs a good read, that has questions about me, that has ever used the R-word, that needs some inspiration, that is interested to know more about my sister, or to anyone that wonders what it is like living with a sibling who has a disability. Here is just a base for my blogs, and I will go more into detail about all of those topics in other postings. But for now, all I want is for you to take away a five simple things:

1.      Yes I have sister with Down Syndrome;

2.      I am who I am today because of her;

3.      I live my life solely by Romans 8:28;

4.      Don’t use the R-word, please; and finally,

5.      Miguel is a blessing not a burden

Please feel free to comment with any questions or statements, or contact me with questions, statements or other topics you would like me to write about. And also, feel free to share with anyone that you believe could benefit from reading this post.

An insight into my next post about Miguel: addressing questions you may have about her or how life is living with her-

-we do argue and act like any normal siblings would

-I do not treat her any differently than I do my brother

-she’s just like you and I, I mean she even loves taking selfies as much as the next girl